An Incomplete Quest
by pikaree1
Summary: In which Hiroto wants to be a knight, Chaos is chaotic, Saginuma is king, and Midorikawa refuses to give away his first kiss.
**(A/N: Hello, this is your captain speaking! I don't own Inazuma Eleven! In honor of Sadomasochist2716's birthday, you are embarking on a flight of adventure of hero wannabes, a princess prince, faeries, quarreling guardians, and kappa! Happy birthday, Sado!)**

Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away, there was a boy, a king, a princess, two minions, and a witch. Of course, that wasn't _all_ there was, but they're pretty much the only characters of importance. Just bear with me here, okay? Anyway, the boy wanted to become a knight. His friend Endou had become one after completing a quest for the king, so the boy got the bright idea of asking the king for a quest as well. He said goodbye to his father and older sister and set off for the castle. It took him seven days and three nights of walking to get there, but he made it at last. After waiting another week and a half to put in a formal request and be granted audience with the king, he stood on the cold stone floor, looking up at the monarch. He was regarding him with an equally cold expression on his face. Though, he might have been born with that face. In any case, the boy who wished to be a knight had nothing to lose, so he opened his mouth and asked the scary man a question.

"Your Majesty, would you please give me a quest?"

The king blinked. "...Pardon?" He couldn't believe his pointy ears. Someone was actually asking for a quest? The last time that had happened, thunder and lightning had raged over the castle for a month because the witch he had sent the person to kill learned of his plan and sent storms to the castle as punishment! Then again, she _did_ stop sending poisoned food in place of taxes after the hero reasoned with her, so the boy had been promoted to knight. "...You're asking me for a quest?"

The red-haired boy in front of him nodded. "Yes! I wish to become a knight, so I figured taking the same route Endou-kun did would work!"

Ah. That explained it. If memory served, Endou was the name of the boy he had knighted. "Kii, what's this kid's name?" the king whispered to his advisor out of the corner of his mouth.

"Kiyama Hiroto, Your Majesty," she reported, checking the redhead's name off the list with a quill pen. "Age 14, blood type O, foster son of Kira Seijirou, born November 28th. Hobbies include stargazing and playing soccer. Dreams include becoming a knight and making a difference for the good of the world. Favorite food-"

"That's quite enough, thank you," the king interrupted before she could really get on a roll and make a narrative out of Hiroto's life story. He turned back to the knight-wannabe. "Very well, Kiyama Hiroto. I shall give you a quest."

Hiroto did his best to contain an excited grin. He'd finally get to go on a quest! He'd finally be able to be a knight!

The king pulled a rope that drew the red and gold curtains behind his throne aside to reveal a gigantic portrait of a lovely young lady with an olive complexion and hair the color of limes, a faraway look in her black eyes-Hiroto guessed that she hadn't even known that her portrait was being painted. Then he noticed the emblem of the royal family inscribed in the ruby necklace she was wearing. He had a feeling he knew where this was going. "MY DEAR BABY SISTER WAS KIDNAPPED BY THE TERRIBLE WITCH ULVIDA!" the king howled, bursting into tears. Kii helpfully gave him a handkerchief, a stack of about five hundred more beside her. "SHE NOW RESIDES IN A TOWER BEHIND THE WITCH'S COTTAGE! YOUR QUEST IS TO RESCUE HER AND BRING HER SAFELY HOME!"

Rescuing a princess? Hiroto silently congratulated himself on his good luck. All the most famous knights had gotten where they were by rescuing princesses. "Of course, Your Majesty!" he declared. "I'll do my best!"

As the king was too busy blowing his nose, his advisor spoke. "There are a few regulations you'll have to heed," she said. "One: you need a steed." That made sense. Endou's rare blue stallion, Kazemaru, had carried him out of danger more than once. "Two: you'll need some sort of sidekick. Even a woodland animal will work." That also made sense. Endou had been accompanied by a wise, caped penguin by the name of Kidou. "Three: you need a weapon." Yet again, that made sense. Endou had used his grandfather's magic gloves and headband. "I believe that's all. Godspeed, Kiyama Hiroto."

The last thing Hiroto saw before leaving the castle was Kii drawing the curtains back over the portrait and the king attempting to compose himself.

* * *

"A steed, a sidekick, and a weapon," Hiroto recited under his breath. "A steed, a sidekick, and a weapon." He could do this. He could totally do this. And then he would become a knight! Yay!

"Hiroto!" a voice called out suddenly. Hiroto turned and saw Endou running towards him, Kidou waddling along as best he could and Kazemaru being held up by some suspicious-looking guys who had an even more suspicious-looking sack that was just the right side to cover a horse's head, but that's beside the point. Endou slowed down to a walk before stopping in front of him. "It's been a while!" he exclaimed before launching into a barrage of questions. "How have you been? How's Hitomiko-san? How's your dad? Why are you here? When did you get here? Why didn't you come find me? Aren't we friends?"

"I've been well, nee-san's well, father is well, I'm here for a quest, I got here a week and a half ago, I didn't go find you because I thought you were out of the capital, and yes, we're friends," Hiroto replied with a light chuckle. "How are you?"

"Oh, I'm good. So are Kidou and Kazemaru. Did you say quest?!" Endou's eyes were alight with excitement. He knew that his friend had always wanted to be a knight.

"Yes!" Hiroto responded. "I have to rescue Princess Midorikawa from the witch Ulvida, but I need a steed, a sidekick, and a weapon."

"Ulvida, huh?" Endou mused. "Natsumi knows her. Apparently they met at a witch convention and really hit it off. She said she's really headstrong, so good luck!"

"Thanks!"

The two engaged in small talk for a while about mundane things like the dragons that hatched in a mountain over that way and the forecast of fire rain until Kidou, who had been silent, interrupted them.

"If you're looking for a weapon, I know where you can find one," he said.

Hiroto stared at the penguin, startled. "I didn't know you could talk."

Kidou looked annoyed. "You mean Endou didn't tell you?" The knight's chuckle gave him his answer. "...Alright then. Anyway, I'm a faerie, but I was cursed to become a penguin for crossing Natsumi. Kazemaru over there is also under a curse." He pointed at the horse with his flipper. Kazemaru was currently chewing on one of the suspicious-looking guy's heads.

"Oh."

"Yeah. Anyway, as I was saying, I know where you can find a weapon."

Hiroto knelt down so he was eye-to-goggles with the sidekick. "I'm listening."

"In the Forest of Aliea, there is an ancient temple- it was orginally a shrine to the god Shuu. It's abandoned now, but there's a sword there known as the Ryuusei Blade," Kidou explained. "It's incredibly powerful and draws on the power of the stars. But be warned: although many have tried to attain it, none have succeeded. It is guarded by two sentries, the warriors of ice and fire. Their names are Burn and Gazel. They have been guarding that shrine since ancient times, but even if you defeat them, you will have to face the last guard. He is more terrible and steadfast than the other two who are powerful fighters in their own right- are you up to the challenge?"

Hiroto was about to answer that yes, he was up to the challenge, but Endou interrupted him. "If there was something so cool, why didn't you tell me?" the brunette complained.

Kidou resisted the urge to faceflipper. "Endou, you have your grandfather's magic items. There's no need to get another weapon."

Leaving the two to bicker, Hiroto walked past Kazemaru (who had by now chewed the suspicious-looking guys bald) and out of town towards the Forest of Aliea.

* * *

Hiroto had barely walked a meter into the forest when a red-haired youth in samurai armor flew towards him. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH OW!" they both cried upon impact.

"Tch, stupid ice princess," the flying redhead muttered as he got up and dusted himself off. He appeared to have a tulip growing out of his head. "I'll get him for that!" And without a word of apology to Hiroto, he charged back the way he came.

Hiroto frowned. That was certainly odd. "Who was that?" he wondered.

"Oh, that was ol' Burn," an impudent voice answered him.

Hiroto was immediately alert. "Who's there?" he demanded, pulling a soccer ball out of his bag. If nothing else, he could kick it at whoever had spoken and then flee.

"Ushishi! I'm not going to tell you!" the voice snickered, floating around him. He couldn't pinpoint its location. "Question is, who are _you_? You're not from around here. If you were, you'd've known him. He and Gazel are always making a huge ruckus. So? Who are you?"

"If you don't tell me your name, why should I tell you mine?" Hiroto asked.

" 'Cause I said so! But if you don't tell me, I'm gonna get back at ya, so you'd better watch yourself! _Bleh_!"

Hiroto guessed that whoever it was had stuck his or her tongue out at him tauntingly. "That doesn't work if I can't see you, you know," he commented, but there was no response save for the low whistle of the wind in the trees. He sighed and guessed that the owner of the voice had left. He took a step forward.

Then he fell into a pit trap, dropping his bag in the process.

"Ushishi!" The voice was back. "I toldja I'd get back at you! I'll be taking this, now!" A small hand attached to a skinny arm appeared, waving his bag over his head. "Bye bye! Ushishi!" There was a scampering sound, like someone young or small had run away.

"Great," Hiroto sighed. "First day on the quest and already something goes wrong. Just peachy." Rather than sit around and bemoan his fate, however, he started to climb the pit trap. The sides were very smooth, so he had to kick, scratch, and gnaw hand- and foot-holds for himself into the dirt. It was a slow process, and he was pretty sure he had swallowed some soil- he hadn't done that since the mud pie days of his childhood. Eventually, though, he made it.

And ran into an invisible wall that forcefully rejected him, causing him to fall back to the ground with a loud _THUMP_. He didn't give up, though. He picked himself back up and began again.

About five hours later, Hiroto really wanted to cry. He was stuck in a pit trap, lost his stuff, and he had spent _five hours_ trying to get past a magic barrier that wasn't weakening at all. He tried to console himself by reminding himself that heroes and knights went through stuff like this all the time on their quests, so it was to be expected. It didn't work. He held back a sniffle. "Where are the helpful faeries when you need them?" he muttered.

"You called?"

The voice, definitely female, echoed down into the pit. Hiroto looked up and saw a head sillhouetted against the moonlight. It was shadowed, so he couldn't make out who or what it was. "Is someone there? Can you help me?" he called.

"Certainly and certainly," the person replied. "But why are you down there? Couldn't you get out?"

He sighed mournfully. "Nope. There's a barrier that I can't get past."

"Easy enough to fix. This is Kogure-kun's work; I recognize the signature of his magic." She tsked and reached out a slender hand, karate-chopping through whatever was blocking the way. Mumbling a few words in the elfen language, the rim of the pit glowed vibrantly for a few seconds before the light dissipated. "Stay down there. I'll get you out myself." Hiroto didn't need to be told twice. He nodded, and the figure got up and jumped down, landing neatly in front of him. To his surprise, she hugged him.

"Er, miss...?" he said nervously.

All she said was, "Hang on tight." Shimmering orange wings that were reminiscent of a monarch butterfly's snapped out behind her, and she beat them strongly, bringing the two of them higher and higher until they were clear of the pit. Then she set him down a few feet away from it. Not quite believing the ground beneath his feet, Hiroto continued clinging as if he were a child clinging to his mother.

"You can let go now. We've landed," the faerie said, prying his clenched fists off of her dress. "Honestly, how are you going to rescue Princess Midorikawa like this?"

"You know about that?" Hiroto asked, startled.

The faerie nodded. "Yes, my elder brother told me about it. You might know him- he's a penguin right now." She giggled a bit. "But anyway, since you're on a quest, you need a sidekick, right?"

"Yes, that's right."

"Perfect. I can kill two birds with one stone. Come on!" With that, she raced off into the trees. Hiroto struggled to keep up with her- he was not as sure-footed as she in the forest, and while the trees seemed to obligingly bend their branches out of her away, they had no qualms with slapping him in the face as he ran. Luckily, they arrived at their destination before she disappeared completely out of his sight.

"Where are we?" he asked in fascination, taking in the glowing lights, the treehouses, and most importantly, the people. They were diverse, but they all gave off an air of magic and mischief.

"Kogarashi Village," the girl replied. "It's a faerie village, as you can probably guess. Ah- HIJIKATA-SAN! PLEASE STOP FOR A MINUTE!"

Hiroto's eyes were drawn to a buff dude with... tiny pink wings that looked like a cabbage white butterfly's? What the heck?

"What is it, Otonashi?" the buff guy asked.

"Sorry to bother you, but do you know where Kogure-kun is?" she inquired.

"Yeah, he went home," Hijikata replied. "He was carrying a travel pack, too... What was that about?"

"I'll tell you later! Thank you!" Otonashi grabbed Hiroto and flapped her wings at light speed, a scarily determined glint in her steely eyes. Hiroto wasn't sure what kind of relationship Kogure had with her, but he knew for a fact that he did _not_ envy him. The duo screeched to a halt in front of a tree with a wide trunk and a hollow inside. "KOGURE-KUN!" Otonashi hollered, slamming her fist into the door. "GET OUT HERE!"

There was a surprised squeak, and then a shaky reply of, "Kogure's not home!"

"DO I HAVE TO HEX YOU AGAIN?!"

That brought results. The door flew open, and they were faced with a short blue-haired boy- an imp, judging by his height and pointy ears. "Wh-What is it, Otonashi?" he asked nervously.

She glared at him imperiously. "Return Hiroto-san's belongings. NOW."

"I don't-"

"I KNOW YOU HAVE THEM, KOGURE-KUN."

"Geh! I'll get 'em, I'll get 'em!"

"I AM WATCHING YOU. DO NOT TRY TO ESCAPE."

By now, Hiroto was very scared of this girl. What happened to the jolly old lady faeries and the demure young maiden faeries? All he had seen so far was a cursed penguin faerie, this scary girl, a musclebound guy with pink wings, and now the imp! This wasn't going how the stories said!

"Here they are," Kogure sulked, thrusting the bag into Hiroto's hands.

"Thank you," the redhead said.

"And?" Otonashi prompted.

"And I'm sorry." Kogure continued to sulk.

"It's alright."

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand?" Otonashi prompted again, drawing out the 'a'.

"And what? I don't owe him anything!" Kogure protested.

"Yes, you do. You've caused him a lot of trouble, you know," Otonashi scolded. "You owe him _something_ , at least. Like, say... becoming his sidekick."

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!" Hiroto was fairly sure that he and Kogure had awoken the whole village with their scream, but he couldn't help it. He didn't really know the imp, but he sensed unending headaches ahead of him if they teamed up.

Otonashi seemed to sense his hesitance. "It's alright!" she insisted. "Really, Kogure-kun's pranks are just a cry for attention because he's lonely." Ignoring the imp's cry of protest, she continued, "Besides, they're usually harmless! And the harmful ones are useful in a fight! So please, give him a chance!"

Since Hiroto was a nice person (and he needed a sidekick), he said, "I'll gladly give him a chance if he'll give me one." Kogure slammed the door in their faces. Hiroto guessed that was a no.

However, Otonashi refused to take no for an answer. "KOGURE-KUN, GET OUT HERE OR I WILL CONVINCE KINO-SAN TO MAKE YOU PAY RENT! AND I'LL ALSO CONVINCE HER TO MAKE YOU DO YOUR OWN HOUSEKEEPING!"

Two point five seconds later, Kogure was standing to attention outside the tree. "Kogure Yuuya, at your service! Don't let Otonashi do anything!"

"There we go," the girl said in satisfaction. "Have fun on your journey! The shrine is that way." She pointed east of the village. "You'll know the sentries by their armor- they wear samurai armor instead of the knight armor that's so popular nowadays. Good luck!"

* * *

Good luck indeed.

"I can't believe how easy this is," Hiroto muttered as he and Kogure snuck past the sentries. The imp just shrugged.

"YOU'RE TOAST, SNOW CONE!"

"HA! I'LL MAKE YOUR BLOOD RUN COLD!"

"DORYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"HRAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The two sentries, one in blue samurai armor and the other in red, were fighting.

Yes, fighting.

Granted, you probably expected this, but seeing as this is an AU, Hiroto did not. He expected the sentries to have perfect teamwork, not be a dysfunctional mess. Burn (Hiroto recognized him as the one who crashed into him when he first entered the forest) and Gazel were engaged in a swordfight, glaring intensely and exchanging insults as the _CLANG_ s of steel striking steel rang out.

"How have they protected the sword?" Hiroto asked in disbelief.

"Well, it wasn't exactly _them_ ," Kogure said. "It was their _past lives_. Y'see, the sentries' lives are linked. They die like regular people, though the other effects of old age never hit them. But when they die, they're reincarnated, usually as twins. Unfortunately... they weren't born as twins this time. In fact, they were born in rival families and in the week it took for the faerie elders to reach them, they already had an ingrained enmity. The elders tried to teach them to work together while they were in training, buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut it didn't work and they hate each other's guts."

"Oh..."

"But I set a bunch of pit traps around the perimeter of the forest," Kogure said, sounding pleased with himself. "Like the one that caught you. So no one ever got the sword. It should be an easy vict- GAH!"

A white blur charged out of the temple and knocked over the imp. "Me-e-e-e-eh!" it bleated.

"A baby goat?!" Hiroto gasped.

"Shoot! RUN!" Kogure screamed, getting back on his feet and scampering away. "I FORGOT ABOUT THAT THING!"

"WHAT?! IT'S KIND OF IMPORTANT, KOGURE-KUN!" Hiroto screeched, following him.

Ten minutes later, the two were well away from the baby goat.

"I completely forgot about it," Kogure panted. "Burn of the Crimson Flames of Prominence, Gazel of the Freezing Darkness of Diamond Dust. Hardly anyone ever gets past them, so the immortal baby goat isn't well known."

Hiroto briefly wondered how Kidou knew about it, but quickly dismissed the thought. "So then... we just have to try to get past it."

* * *

They tried method after method.

"Chase the carrot, boy!" Kogure yelled, throwing a carrot into the distance. The goat kicked them out of the temple and the carrot somehow got sent flying back by the flat of one of the sentries' swords.

* * *

"Goaty want a carrot?" Hiroto crooned, waving the orange plant in front of the animal as Kogure tried to sneak past. The baby goat somehow kicked them both away from the temple and bit down on the carrot at the same time.

* * *

Eventually, they stopped their plans when Kogure suggested Hiroto wear a matador costume. Hiroto doubted the color red worked the same way on goats as it did bulls. "Now how are we going to get the sword?" the knight-wannabe sighed. "The Ryuusei Blade..."

"Ryuusei... Blade...?"

Hiroto and Kogure both turned their heads in the direction of the voice they had heard. Standing there was a kappa.

"EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?!"

"That's a kappa! That's a kappa, right?!" Kogure demanded.

"H-He looks like one... Wait, why are you surprised?! You're an imp!" Hiroto responded.

"Kamezaki Kappa." The pair turned to look at the kappa. He pointed to himself. "Kamezaki Kappa," he repeated.

"Kamezaki Kappa?" Kogure asked, bewildered.

"I... think that's his name," Hiroto guessed.

Kappa held out a cucumber. "Join!"

"Is he saying he wants to join us...?" Hiroto wondered, unsure.

"Great, you have a new sidekick. Have fun beating the demon goat, the witch, and saving the princess without me!" Kogure exclaimed, hurrying away. Hiroto's hand shot out and grabbed him, dragging him back.

He turned back to Kappa. "Do you want to join us?" The kappa bobbed his head and pointed at the temple with his cucumber. "...Okay, but I have no idea what you could be for the group..." Kappa whistled sharply, and a giant flying cucumber slice screeched into the clearing.

"Steed!" he explained happily.

"...Oh... So, uh, what about the baby goat...?" Hiroto asked.

Kappa grinned and held up the first cucumber. He appeared to have a plan.

* * *

Two minutes later, the goat was literally eating out of their hands.

"Why a cucumber?" Kogure shrieked as the final boss continued to eat the vegetable Hiroto held out to it.

The hero-to-be shrugged. "As long as it works, I don't really care."

While Kappa continued feeding the animal, Hiroto went and fetched the sword.

The thin light filtering from the crumbling temple walls illuminated the steel. Looking at it, Hiroto could see a universe of opportunities in battle open up to him. Reverently, he touched the hilt and slowly pulled it out of the rock it was sticking it out of. "Ryuusei Blade..." he whispered.

 _"Do you wish to form a contract?"_ a female voice boomed suddenly. It was a voice he knew very well.

"Nee-san? Is that you?"

 _"...Shoot. I didn't know you would be getting the sword, Hiroto,"_ she sighed. _"The Kira family has been the guardians of the Ryuusei Blade for generations. We're supposed to form the contract between the sword and its bearer."_

"The contract?"

 _"Yes. The sword will only be sharp in your hands, and for others, it will be blunt and too heavy to lift unless they have amazing brute strength. Should you form a contract with it, it will be yours and no one else's."_

"I wish to form a contract!" he said hurriedly.

 _"Great. Kiyama Hiroto and Ryuusei Blade, thou art bonded."_

"That's it?"

 _"That's it. By the way, how did you get past the baby goat?"_

"That's a story for another day! Right now, I've got a princess to rescue!"

 _"Alright. Good luck!"_

"Thank you!

Hiroto ran out of the room, the sword clutched in one hand. With the other, he grabbed Kogure by the collar of his shirt. "Come on, Kappa-kun! It's time to go!"

Kappa nodded, patted the baby goat on the head, and left the cucumber behind.

"Stop dragging me! That hurts!" Kogure complained.

"Sorry!" Hiroto responded. "But you'd probably run away if I let go, and I don't think you count as a sidekick if I put you on a leash!"

Memories of his first days in the forest flashed through Kogure's mind. Otonashi had put him on a leash so he wouldn't go crazy with pranking others in the village. He shuddered involuntarily. Hiroto frowned in confusion as he dragged the imp onto Kappa's flying cucumber slice. "You okay?"

"I am now. PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME GO BACK TO THE VILLAGE I NEED TO GET AWAY FROM OTONASHI."

Hiroto was now even more confused. What was with the change in attitude? Ah well. At least now he was (relatively) sure that his sidekick wouldn't try to run away. Probably. Maybe. Hopefully. "So... Let's go save the princess!" he exclaimed, banishing the matter from his mind.

"Scabbard," Kappa protested.

Hiroto blinked. "Huh...?" He glanced down at his sword. "But why do I need a scabbard right now? Can't we beat the witch, save the princess, and _then_ get a scabbard?"

"Scabbard," Kappa repeated, holding up a manuel labeled 'How To Hero: Dummy Edition'.

Hiroto grabbed the book. "This is my childhood!" he exclaimed, flipping through the pages. A certain page caught his eye.

 _ **Weapons**_

 **Sword**

 **Staff**

 **Bow and Arrows**

 **Magic Items**

 **Magic**

 **Stick**

 _ **Sword**_

 _ **A hero's sword is an awesome sword. [pictures of multiple heroic swords] But what makes them hero swords is not what they've done, but what their owners have done. In other words, your sword isn't a hero sword yet, newbie. Swords need scabbards. Why? So you don't accidentally stab someone, duh. Plus, they're too unwieldy then. You can't just stick it through your belt; then you might stab yourself, or worse- it'll slice through your belt, and your pants will fall down. Hope you don't have cutesy heart or teddy-bear-print boxers like the Saitama kingdom's west bandit clan leader in XX46, Sakurada.**_

Hiroto frowned. "...Well. That is a dilemma."

Kogure, in the meantime, was in stitches over the entry. "OH MY GOD! THAT GUY SOUNDS PATHETIC!" he cackled.

Suddenly, a winged individual wearing a tunic crashed down from above, planting their feet on the cucumber slice and their hands on their hips. "DID SOMEBODY SAY," the person bellowed, flipping their blonde hair, "GOD?"

The group of three stared in shock.

The person proceeded to shove a scabbard they pulled from out of nowhere into Hiroto's hands. "MAY YOU FIND THE LOVE YOU ARE QUESTING FOR, YOUNG HERO." Then the person flapped their wings twice, lifted off from the cucumber, and soared away.

"Well..." Hiroto ventured after ten minutes of shocked silence. "That was... strange... and totally random..."

"Wait, I think I heard about this," Kogure said with a frown. "I'm pretty sure that was Aphrodi, a minor god of love. He goes around giving people gifts like scabbards and swords and roses so he'll be more popular and thus get more power 'cause he wants to be a major deity." Hiroto started digging through his wallet to find any extra funds that he could donate to the pathetic deity's cause. "But then it's cancelled out because he always returns about ten years later for them to pay up." ...Never mind.

"Why does he need money in the first place?" Hiroto asked confusedly, putting his wallet away. Kogure shrugged in response. Kappa kept the cucumber flying ahead.

Eventually, night fell, so the group landed and decided to stay at an inn. Unfortunately, all the rooms of the inn were taken. "...Oh," Hiroto muttered, his face falling. "Well... I guess we could stay outside... Nothing wrong with sleeping under the stars..."

A blue-haired girl took pity on the dejected looks on their faces. "You could stay at my home," she offered them. "There's plenty of room."

Hiroto and Kogure sprang back up, re-energized at the thought of a roof. "Yes, please! Thank you!"

Hiroto quickly caught himself. "That is, if it wouldn't be any trouble," he added. "We wouldn't want to intrude."

The girl waved a hand dismissively. "It's fine, it's fine. Let's go. I only live about twenty minutes from the village, but it's going to get really dark soon."

And so the three boys followed the girl to a humble little cottage with a rather large tower built beside it.

"Er... What's that?" Hiroto asked.

"That," said the girl, "is the guest tower. Don't worry, it's comfier than it looks."

Hiroto had some misgivings, but he and his comrades followed the girl into her cottage anyway. "Well, I think some introductions are in order," he decided. "I'm Kiyama Hiroto, but please call me Hiroto. This is Kogure, my sidekick, and Kappa, my... well, I'm not sure what he is, but he controls our mode of transportation."

The girl smiled. "Nice to meet you three. I'm Yagami Reina. And I should warn you: I've got a boarder. His name is-"

"Welcome back, Yagami!" a voice chirped, the sound of footsteps thumping from the hallway connecting the tower and the cottage. "Did you get that thing I asked for?"

Hiroto and Kogure swiveled to look (Kappa was preoccupied with washing some cucumbers) and, much to Hiroto's surprise, saw a girl with green hair, olive skin, and black eyes.

Well, Yagami had said 'he', so Hiroto was unsure at the moment. "Princess Midorikawa?" he said uncertainly. The green-haired kid froze.

"...How do you know that name?" (s?)he asked, glaring ominously.

Hiroto squeaked. That was quite a glare. "Well, the king sent me to rescue the princess from the witch Ulvida... and you look exactly like the portrait he showed me..."

The green-haired person crossed their arms with a _harrumph_. "I'm not going back there!" he/she declared. "I've got way more freedom here than I did in the castle!"

Hiroto frowned. "But if you are... then that means..." He glanced at Yagami, who nodded.

"Ulvida's my business alias," she explained.

"Eh... WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!"

After an hour-long discussion in which it was clarified that Midorikawa was in fact a boy and had not been kidnapped, Hiroto was conflicted. On the one hand, he couldn't just leave the princess- er, _prince_ with the witch, or he wouldn't become a knight. On the other hand, Midorikawa had felt cooped up within the stern walls of the castle. This was someone's freedom he was dealing with here.

"Just take him to the castle, get knighted, and help him escape him again," Yagami suggested. "That should work, right?"

"But-" Midorikawa began.

Yagami glared at him. " _You're going_ ," she growled in the way only an angry woman can.

"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie-!" Hiroto and Kogure squeaked, but Midorikawa did not flinch. He stood his ground.

"No, I'm not!" he yelled.

"Yes, you are!" Yagami yelled back.

"Not!"

"Are!"

" _Not_!"

" _Are_!"

"NOT!"

"ARE!"

" _NOT_!"

" _ARE_!"

"Not!"

"ARE!" Midorikawa shrieked before realizing he had fallen for the age-old trick. Yagami and Kogure high-fived.

"Now that that's been decided, go pack your things," Yagami said with a smug smirk. "You depart tomorrow morning."

The next morning, the group of three evolved into a group of four, ate a hearty breakfast, and flew off on Kappa's cucumber slice, Prince Midorikawa grumbling and muttering the whole way about nonsensical things. Hiroto could swear he heard something about rainbow butterfly ponies with magical dribbling skills, but that was impossible... right?

Desperate to snap the royal out of the strange gloom he had fallen under, Hiroto attempted to strike up conversation. "So, ah... why are you called a princess?"

Midorikawa shot him a glare so cold he thought he'd freeze, fall off the cucumber, and shatter on the ground. "If you must know," the vertette said through gritted teeth, "my mother wanted her second child to be a girl, and she absolutely would _not_ take no for an answer. And so I was stuck thinking I was female until I was eight and we took a family vacation to a hot spring. The end."

Hiroto wanted to comment on what a strange mother that was, but he didn't savor the prospect of dying, so he kept his mouth shut and slapped a hand over Kogure's, too, before the imp could make the prince's mood worse. "I... see," he said nervously.

The rest of the journey passed in tense silence.

Of course, the storm hit when they got to the castle.

"RYUUJI!" the king screamed, barreling through the gates to reach his beloved sibling. He raced forward, arms outstretched to embrace his brother.

And promptly crashed into said brother's foot.

"She didn't kidnap me!" Midorikawa yelled. "Yagami was nice enough to let me stay in her guest tower in exchange for just some chores! And now you send some idiot-" Hiroto felt hurt, he really did, "and his sidekicks to bring me back here?! Get it through your head! I LIKED IT THERE! The only reason I came back is 'cause I'm not so mean I'd just crush someone's dream!"

"The rumors said the princess was a sweet, mellow, kind-hearted person," Endou mentioned to Hiroto, walking up to the group. Hiroto shrugged.

"SO NAME THIS GUY A KNIGHT ALREADY SO I CAN GO BACK!" Midorikawa exploded.

The king sniffled. "Yes. Okay. I'll do it."

"Wait," Kii interrupted. "He didn't complete the quest."

Everyone turned to stare at her, King Saginuma and Endou with surprise, Midorikawa with a tired expression, and Hiroto with horror. "...What?" the redhead said feebly. "Why...?"

Kii held up a copy of 'How To Hero: Dummy Edition'.

 _ **Saving Princesses**_

 _ **Saving royalty isn't a particularly difficult task- the difficulty level lies in what captured them. Train hard so you can beat whatever's holding them hostage. If they actually just ran away from home, then the challenge is convincing them to return to their castle.**_

 _ **This quest requires four simple steps: find the royal, save the royal, bring back the royal, and share a True-Love's-KissTM with the royal. An optional fifth step is marriage depending on the parameters of the quest.**_

Hiroto stared at the page with even more horror. "That's a thing?!"

Kii shrugged. "I didn't make the rules."

Hiroto immediately turned to Midorikawa. "There's no time to waste!"

"Yes there is!" Midorikawa snapped back, holding (a very angry) King Saginuma between himself and Hiroto. "I am _not_ going to give you my first kiss! It wouldn't even be true love! We only met yesterday!"

"That never stopped the other heroes!" Hiroto argued. "Please! I need to become a knight!"

"No, you _want_ to become a knight!" Midorikawa corrected him. "Need and want are two different things! I'm not doing it!"

"Then I'll follow you for the rest of your life or until you give your first kiss to someone else, and _then_ I'll kiss you, and then we can part ways and everything will be all fine and dandy!"

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!"

* * *

True to his word, Hiroto stuck with Midorikawa. They had many adventures together, such as curing Kazemaru and Kidou from their curses, saving some poor shmuck who was in love with Natsumi from the witch's cooking (they failed that one in case you were wondering), and journeying to the Mythical Magical Rainbow Cucumber Fields with Kappa. Did they ever kiss? Well... I don't wanna receive the brunt of any shipper's anger, so things will be left there.

And they all lived chaotically ever after. The end.

 **OMAKE**

"Stupid Gazel," Burn muttered darkly. "I'm gonna beat him no matter what..."

"OHOHOHO~ No matter what, you say?!"

Burn leaped up, his hand flying to his sword. "Who's there?!" he demanded. There was an explosion of light and sparkles, and he shielded his eyes.

Standing before him was a blonde-haired goddess with snowy white wings. How could he tell? Why, by the deity ID badge pinned to her tunic, of course!

"Who the heck are you?" he asked blankly.

"I am the god of love, Aphrodi!" the blonde announced dramatically. Oh, so it was a guy? ...Weird. "And I hear you wish to defeat someone? Is it a villain?"

"...Sure, why not."

Aphrodi struck a pose and winked, pointing at him dramatically. "Then I want you to form a contract with me and become a magical girl!"

There were five seconds of silence.

Then Burn chased Aphrodi around the forest, waving his katana madly and screaming "I'M A GUY, CREEPAZOID!"

"No, Burn, this might actually be a good idea." Burn glanced back and, to his horror, saw his nemesis decked out in a pale blue magical girl costume already. "We gain amazing powers beyond the ones we've already been gifted," Gazel continued. "And we also have a purpose. Since Ryuusei Blade has been taken, we would've been stuck here waiting boredly for the new hero to bring it back later. But now we can beat up other stuff."

"...Is that a skirt?" Burn asked cautiously, completely ignoring everything else that had been said.

Gazel popped a vein. "LISTEN WHEN PEOPLE ARE EXPLAINING THINGS TO YOU!" he screamed, summoning up a ball of ice. "NORTHERN IMPACT!"

Burn went flying out of the forest without forming a contract.

 **(A/N: And that's the end. Hope you enjoyed it. Once again, happy birthday, Sado!)**


End file.
